Lifetime Orders Some Stuff No One But Lifetime Can Possibly Like

You don’t believe us? Read, baby, read:

LIFETIME ORDERS DRAMA PILOTS THE SECRET LIVES OF WIVES and WITCHES OF EAST END
by TeamTVWriter Press Service

Lifetime has ordered the drama pilots The Secret Lives of Wives (working title) and Witches of East End for 2013, it was announced today by Rob Sharenow, Executive Vice President, Programming, of Lifetime Networks.

Inspired by the book by Iris Krasnow, The Secret Lives of Wives will explore the unvarnished truth behind the marriages of four different women, breaking down the creative ways each close friend nurtures, maintains and endures what many see as an impossible convention of modern life.  With a “relatable and provocative approach,” the pilot will provide “an honest portrayal of the ultimate challenge every relationship faces – emotional and sexual longevity.”  Jill Gordon (Five), who wrote the pilot, will also executive produce with Dan Lin (Sherlock Holmes) and Jennifer Gwartz (Veronica Mars); Krasnow will serve as a producer.  The Secret Lives of Wives (working title) will be produced by Lin Pictures in association with Warner Horizon Television.

Based on Melissa de la Cruz’s best-selling novel, Witches of East End centers on the adventures of a mother and her two adult daughters — both of whom unknowingly are their family’s next generation of witches — who lead seemingly quiet, uneventful modern day lives in Long Island’s secluded seaside town of North Hampton.  When one of the daughters becomes engaged to a young, wealthy newcomer, a series of events forces her mother to admit to her daughters they are, in fact, powerful and immortal witches.  Maggie Friedman (Dawson’s CreekJack and Bobby and Eastwick) wrote and will executive produce Witches of East End, which will be produced by Fox 21.  Erwin Stoff (The Matrix) of 3 Arts Entertainment will also executive produce.

ADDITIONAL COMMENTARY BY MUNCHMAN:

The key words here are “relatable” (which may not even be a word) and “provocative,” which is probably the most important word in Lifetime’s vocabulary. Unless you count “sexual,” that is. Considering that none of those interviewed used any of those words in connection with Witches of East End, TVWriter™ is betting that no one will have to worry about how much they hate that show because it will never get on the air. The Secret Lives of Wives, however, is another matter. Everyone who sees it is bound to be gagging by the end of the first scene.

How do we know this? Because we really are “powerful and immortal witches.” And we got that way by swallowing the souls of every Lifetime executive since the channel came into existence. Swallowing them whole.