Herbie J Pilato: Am I BECOMING My TV?

tv_personby Herbie J Pilato

We all get that I can’t understand what anyone’s saying on today’s TV shows, right?  You know, because I believe all the actors mumble their lines?

Ok, check.

And that I believe the majority of contemporary TV characters are ultimately caricatures (with actors performing seemingly one-actor shows instead of interacting with each other)?

Check, again.

And that I think the majority of all of today’s TV actors look and sound the same (everybody’s acerbic and beautiful with the same color and lacking diversity)?

Check and check.

Well, now we can add this:

It’s also my belief that today’s “realistic” lighting on television (and at the movies, for that matter) just plain sucks.

Truth be told, who really knows if all the actors look alike?

I can’t friggin’ SEE them on the screen!

The lighting is too dark; not bright enough and/or muddled, just like the actors’ delivery of dialogue.

Where is the vibrancy and clarity of the lighting?

Where is the vibrancy and clarity of the performers, the characters, their lines and their stories?

Where is the vibrancy and clarity, period?!

Now, I realize that maybe my standards are if not a little high – maybe just a little too nostalgic or past their prime.

Or maybe…maybe…I’m just simply watching too much TV – to the point of me actually BECOMING my TV.

Here’s what I mean:

A few days ago, I was flipping through the channels, and I came across the opening credits for an old Don Knotts movie (LOVE Don Knotts!).  His name appeared in the opening credits right before the title and, right before I saw the title, I asked myself aloud, “The Love God?”  (As in, “Am I watching The Love God?”)

Strangely, as if on cue from some kind of surreal “universal remote,” a male voiceover was heard on the screen, and spoke the title in the very same manner and tone that I had just voiced it myself, with a question mark and all, asking aloud, “The Love God?” (As in, is very un-love-godly-type guy really being considered a love-god?)

That just plain wigged me out.

So, I changed the channel.  Fast!

But a few moments later, I found myself watching a scene from ABC’s One Life To Live daytime soap, in which an underage teen is attempting to enter a bar.  The bouncers at the door won’t let allow him to pass through, until a pal comes to his rescue with some kind of press-badge.

The two young friends then proceed to walk into the bar and, in doing so, the kid who was initially prohibited from entering, turns to the other and asks, “How’d you do that?”

I just rolled my eyes, and turned the channel again.

But little did I know that I would soon be wigged out a second time.

For as I clicked the remote and changed the station (to use an old phrase from back-in-the-TV- day), the read-out at the bottom of the screen told me I was now watching a show called How’d They Do That?

But this time, instead of changing the channel, I actually shut off the television.

As a result, there was a silent black screen in my living room – without any pictures or any sound; minus any mumbling characters or any kind of lighting, bad or otherwise.

Talk about scary!

About Herbie J Pilato

Writer, Author, Producer, Actor, Singer/Songwriter, Lover of Life