munchman: Writer News That Made Me Say, “Uh-oh”

The munchman admits it. Whenever I hear about people who seem, erm, less qualified than they might be but who get  good writing gigs – especially gigs I wish I had – my stomach gets all funky and I hit my head against the nearest wall. And wonder…well, I wonder “Why?” mainly, but in more graphic terms.

Mostly this happens when the writers in question are known primarily for success in other arenas. especially when, all things considered, that success is pretty mild. Yeah, I know we’ll get some angry comments/e-mails about that statement so let me respond in advance: “Screw you too.”

Time now for a couple of cases in point:

micheleLea Michele of GLEE has signed with Harmony Books to write her first book, Brunette Ambition, a memoir-style guide about, we assume, how hip and trendy she became as she climbed the showbiz ladder to become one of television’s most  blind-gossiped about stars. Well, we think she is. The items are, after all, blind.

“There wasn’t a guidebook when I was growing up that detailed everything I would need to do, and know, to get where I am today,” Michele said in a recent press release, adding, “I believe I can write one of sorts: not a how-to-make-it-in-show-business book, but a guide to harnessing tenacity, passion, enthusiasm, and hard work to make your dreams come true.”

cochranJohn Cochran, winner of the most recent SURVIVOR series, SURVIVOR: CARAMOAN, issued a hipper and trendier press release on Twitter, saying, “I’m thrilled to announce that I’m going to be a writer on the new CBS sitcom ‘The Millers’…!” After which all of his 120,000+ followers told him how much he deserved this chance. Well, maybe not all, but more than would tweet if I announced the same thing. Although I do have a pretty big family. Hmm…

Anyway, I haven’t read a further Twitter response from John, so I’m thinking that he isn’t nearly as quick-witted and quick-talking as he should be. I’m much faster and funnier and probably a bigger survivor too. C’mon, you mentally deficient shrikes behind THE MILLERS, gimme a chance. You’ll regret it if you don’t – when it’s you and moi on the next island together.

Bwahh.