munchman: The Real X-Files Conspiracy

Mulder-and-Scully-the-x-files-79163_430_326by munchman

I love this idea about what was really going on between Mulder and Scully in the original X-FILES. Don’t know why. I just do:

…[T]he the only pseudoscientific conspiracy theory I’m interested in propagating is my longtime conviction that Mulder and Scully started fucking in the very first episode of The X-Files. I have fought about this with so many fellow nerds that I’ve basically adopted a “Don’t @ Me” policy in real life about it, like just accept and respect my beliefs, and I’ll do the same with yours. But. Ok. You know in the pilot episode when Scully thinks she’s been bitten by whatever thing they’re in the middle of nowhere investigating? I could look this up but I’m kind of enjoying doing this by memory. ANYWAY, she thinks she’s been bitten, and she knocks on Mulder’s door, and she’s wearing JUST A TRENCH COAT OVER HER BRA AND UNDERWEAR, and she SHOWS HIM JUST HER SHOULDER, and he TOUCHES THE BITE and SMILES and says “IT’S JUST A MOSQUITO BITE”? Like. I’m wet just remembering this. Are you telling me that they DIDN’T immediately have “wow I’m not going to die and I’m so relieved” sex right then and there?

–Haley Mlotek

Jeeze Louis, this fucking explains everything!

I don’t know Haley Mlotek, the writer of the piece the above quote is taken from, but I’m definitely now a fan. And I’m thinking The Hairpin.Com, where the above first appeared, is a pretty cool site.

Especially since they’re open to freelance submissions of original content from, um, you know – writers like us.

Check it out

And here’s the context of the insightful paragraph above.


munchman is the pseudonym for the huge but deliberately unknown talent who is the secret power behind Larry Brody’s throne. But you already knew that, right?

Get Ready for the New PEOPLE’S PILOT

Nu PP-SS Capture

If you went to our site for the PEOPLE’S PILOT COMPETITION yesterday you probably noticed that, nope, unlike in previous years, we weren’t ready to open up the 2016 running of the contest on February 1st.

You may also have noticed some new verbiage on the home page as well:

Over $20,000 in prizes and bonuses!

Coming March 1 – the All-New 2016
PEOPLE’S PILOT
(& Spec Scriptacular too)

Followed by:

New Categories – More Prizes – Longer Entry Period

We don’t want to give everything away just now – mainly because we haven’t finalized all the changes yet – but yeppers, LB has us TVWriter™ minions working our patooties off preparing for big changes to TVWriter™’s core contest.

So please, be patient. All will be revealed come the 1st of March.

And be happy too.

Cuz we really think you’re going to like what’s coming every bit as much as we do.

Bear with…

munchman

munchman & Team TVWriter™ 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

munchman sees A VERY MURRAY CHRISTMAS

Robert Mitchum's corpse gives us his best Bill Murray face...and fails

Robert Mitchum’s corpse gives us his best Bill Murray face…and fails

by munchman

Talk about a predicament!

On the one hand, Yer Friendly Neighborhood munchola has to confess here and now that he absolutely lurves Bill Murray. Many’s the night, in fact, that I’ve YouTubed myself to sleep listening to My Hero spend a magnificent 59 seconds doing his inimitable rendition of the STAR WARS theme. Nobody does it like Billy Baby, not even Ella Fitzgerald.

On the other hand, I Netflixed A VERY MURRAY CHRISTMAS the other night, and, well, let me put it this way: Why the hell was the fantastically unfunny – and D-E-A-D Robert Mitchum running around the Carlyle Hotel pretending to be the Murrayman in a Christmas special so unspecial that it made director Sofia Coppola’s snoozily inept LOST IN TRANSLATION (which starred the real Bill Murray) look like (no, not an Oscar winner – never!) a Golden Globe nominee?

Here’s my tally:

THE GOOD:

  • Maya Rudolph can really fucking sing!
  • So can Miley Cyrus, who at her tender age, whatever the fuck it is, has blossomed into the one thing her father could never be – a consumate pro.
  • David Johansen lives and does a wonderful Tom Waits!
  • Paul Shaffer is a much better piano player than his David Letterman personality would ever have led me to believe.

THE BAD:

  • Bob Mitchum’s corpse’s terrible impersonation of My Beloved Bill.
  • The script, by Mitchum (I presume because it’s so damn dead), the gloriously connected and ingloriously untalented Ms. Coppola, and Mitch Glazer, who wrote the okay-because-it-starred-the-Real-Bill SCROOGED and who was married to the extremely cool Wendie Malick for a couple days, reminded me so much of THE EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES that I kept screaming, over and over, “There’s nothing there!”
  • Everything else but the music, which would have actually been kind of good if it wasn’t all, you know, that overtired Christmas stuff.

CONCLUSION:

Goddammit, you know what the conclusion’s gonna be: Stay away from this thing and the people who made it cuz the only thing they could possibly have been thinking of was was how much contempt they had for Netflix. Or Bill Murray fans. Or, I dunno, everyone.

munchmanavatarlg

yer friendly neighborhood muncher!


The grinch who calls himself munchman is TVWriter™’s official, authorized scapegoat. Now, just between us, aren’t you glad we have the lovely Diana Vaccarelli doing most of our reviews these days? Don’t you wish she’d done this one?

munchman: Nikki Finke New Fiction About Showbiz Website is Now Open for Beeswax

Hollywood Dementia Capture

No longer so infant but still muy terribe, famed Hollywood gossip columnists Nikki Finke, outsted creator of Deadline.Com (yeah, that’s a whole nuther story for a nuther day), is back with Hollywood Dementia, a new website presenting original fiction about all aspects of the Industry.

We could go into all kinds of detail about the site, but Nikki herself does that very well on its opening page, HERE. What’s more important to us, and to those of you who frequent TVWriter™ is this:

Hollywood Dementia is buying. It’s not paying a lot – an attempt at creating a paywall got so much negative response that reading everything’s free – but there’s some dinero to be had via visitor contributions.

Wanna get your Hollywood fiction published online? At a site that attracts the kind of audience that’s most open to your kind of work? With visitors who, if they’re so inclined, do in fact have the power to make you a star? Then don’t just sit there, CHECK IT OUT.

Oh, and if you do submit material to Ms. Finke, let us know what happens, okay? So we can report it right here on your favorite TV writing site, terrific TVWriter™.

Ta,

munchman

munchman: How to Pitch to Asshat Showbiz Execs

by munchman

The original title of this post was the less inflammatory “How to Approach ‘Confident-Beyond-Competence’ Executives as a Creative,” but we here at TVWriter™ made the unilateral decision to, you know, cut to the chase.

Although, as your friendly neighborhood muncher thinks about it, I don’t believe you need this whole article to know how to deal with execs who don’t know nearly as much as they think you do. You just have to know how to do what everybody else in your position eventually learns: Pucker up, drop to your knees, and plant a few on their little hipster tushies.

But what the hell. We’re in for it now, so:

supplicants

by Pen Densham

I’ve met some people in my film career who don’t know, what they don’t know. They “do” know they are not doctors. So, they don’t invite you into their office and remove your heart to see if it works better when stuffed in your rectum.  But, when it comes to story they have no qualms about asking us to do that to a script, despite not being writers.

I call people like this, Confident-beyond-Competence (C-B-C).  They seem oblivious to the finer skills that we word-toilers and scene jugglers seem to understand.  I used to have difficulty dealing with these characters. There are no tests and licenses to be in our business. If they were plumbers, all their pipes would leak and they would put a toilet in every room because they saw one in last weekend’s hit movie.

But, sometimes being C-B-C is not a bad thing. We intricate thinkers may be debating ourselves to paralysis, while the C-B-C person will blithely sweep forward with a flawed concept and succeed, course correcting as they bang off walls.  So my position is not so much sour grapes, but the seeds of a truth.

Creativity comes in layers. The act of origination may be deeply subconscious and precious but when surfaced it responds to the tests of clarifications and additional insights, even from the apparently “less” gifted.  I have heard other writer’s put  it this way- one or two opinions are just that but several prove a “fact” that must be dealt with.

At some point in every creative endeavor we will have to sell our ideas.  It is inevitable, we are dreaming up experiences that cost millions to capture. Everyone is an audience. To succeed we have to be prepared to use as much creative problem solving in selling our work to those who do not yet understand it as they are brought to the task of creating it and course correcting so they have their questions answered. Even if not by rote, but by comprehending their underlying cause which can often be a very simple clarification.

Read it all at SSN Insider

munchman sees BOJACK HORSEMAN

Whoa! An absolutely atypical BOJACK HORSEMAN flashback frame. Cuz that's how yer friendly neighborhood munchman rolls.

Whoa! An absolutely atypical BOJACK HORSEMAN flashback frame. Cuz that’s how yer friendly neighborhood munchman rolls.

by munchman

Like our Beloved Leader, LB, I’m smitten by Netflix’s BOJACK HORSEMAN series, which has just been picked up for a third season of heavy truth-telling, inventive visual puns, tragedy, and even a little humor.

Wait. Truth to tell, the show is funny as hell if you’re the kinda person who enjoys seeing other people’s deepest, most hidden fears come roaring to the surface to confront well-placed banana peels that you yourself aren’t tripping on.

THE GOOD:

  • Best depiction of Hollywood people, places, situations and general, all-round life ever. Let me repeat: Ever.
  • In case you aren’t getting it, BOJACK could also be the best written “sitcom” currently in production. Wait, forget the “could be.” It fucking is.
  • Terrific voice acting by a host of luminaries. Munchalito’s fave, of course, is Margo Martindale, who plays Unsung Supporting Actress Margo Martindale.
  • This is one of those shows where Netflix releases every episode at once each season, plus it’s only twenty-something minutes long, which means it’s perfect for binge-watching.

THE BAD:

  • Nada.
  • More Nada.
  • Still Nada.

EXTRA BONUS GOOD

  • Yer munchikins identifies with every single moment of every episode of BOJACK HORSEMAN, but I get an extra good feeling when I see the character of Todd sacked out on Bojack’s couch as a permanent house guest. Reminds me of when I used to crash at LB’s house in the late ’90s. Good times!

CONCLUSION:

Goddammit, you know what the conclusion’s gonna be: Watch this damn thing!

munchmanavatarlg

yer friendly neighborhood muncher!