Larry Brody’s Poetry: ‘What About Mrs. God?’

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 by Larry Brody

NOTE FROM LB

For reasons I don’t know, I’ve been dreaming about my high school days lately, and this has put me in mind of all the wonderful discussions only teenagers nearing their twenties can acceptably have. Which in turn reminds me of two elements pretty much missing from my life these days – my mother and God. Which of course leads to the probably-not-anywhere-near-immortal question:


What About Mrs. God?

When I was in high school, in the days before
Anything was P.C., Tiersky the tenor sax man
And I would throw around our ideas about God.

One day, Tiersky said, “What about Mrs. God?
What’s the story on her? I mean, if we’re made
In God’s image, and marriage is part of our lives,
Shouldn’t God be married too? And what’s
She like? Our fathers’ wives? Our mothers?
My Aunt Dorothy? Well? What do you think?”

At the time, I didn’t think much. I was too busy
Feeling God’s new teenage chemistry surging
Inside. I was too busy suffering the slings and
Arrows of adults, too busy wondering not about
Women but girls, and why I had to chase
Them when in the Beach Party movies they were
Always throwing themselves at the guys. So Mrs. God
Meant no more to me than, say, Mrs. S. Claus, living in a
Heaven no nearer—and no father—than the
North Pole.

Recently, though, while counting my misfortunes
(It took a math co-processor, an equation editor,
And an Intel Inside with a Pentium chip)
I found myself considering not only God,
But the whole God family: God’s Son, of whom
We all know; His daughter, of whom we do not;
God’s dog, and cat, and maybe His turtle or
Goldfish. (God’s goldfish, what a life!)

And, of course, God’s wife. If she is like the
Wives of our fathers, then I understand Him a
Pretty well and assume He is constantly assailed
Not by unbelievers but by homey talk, and that
To keep the peace he pretends to listen now and again.

If she is like the wives of our fathers, then God
Makes no decisions (perhaps never did)
Once he leaves His Tabernacle, and in all
Likelihood harbors strange, indecent urges and
Needs. Hey, let’s face it: If God’s wife is the
Inspiration for the wives of our fathers,
Then God probably is thinking
Divorce.

Hmm, the more I consider, the more
I understand. And the more I understand, the more
I too can forgive.

Nevertheless, if there is a Mrs. God,
And she is like all the Mrs. of my parents’ generation,
Why isn’t she doing her job? We’ve all
Seen God’s handiwork lately, right?

So why isn’t she being a good little woman
And secretly saving the world, screwing new bulbs

In the Old Man’s
Burned-out Logos of a Light?


Larry Brody is the head dood at TVWriter™. He is posting at least one poem a week here at TVWriter™ because, as the Navajo Dog herself once pointed out, “Art has to be free. If you create it for money, you lose your vision, and yourself.” She said it shorter, though, with just a snort.

TVWriter™ Don’t-Miss Posts of the Week – June 26, 2017

Time for TVWriter™’s  Monday look at our 5 most popular blog posts of the week ending yesterday. They are, in order:

Netflix Canceled Sense8, So I Tried to Watch It

Looking for TV Pilot Scripts?

Larry Brody on “When Do We Decide We Did Our Best & Give Up On Writing?

Diana Vacc sees ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales’

Rejection: A Wilderness Guide for Writers

And our 5 most visited permanent resource pages are, also in order:

Writing the Dreaded Outline

PEOPLE’S PILOT 2017

The Logline

The Outline/Story

Larry Brody’s Master Class

Major thanks to everyone for making this another great week at TVWriter™. Don’t forget to click above and read what you missed and re-read what you loved!

10 Ingredients for Successful Screenwriting (TV too!)

This TVWriter™ minion wholeheartedly endorses Marilyn Horowitz’s YouTube series of videos on how to become a successful screen (and TV) writer. (Of course, you don’t know which minion I am, but I’m working on overcoming that and will soon be going mano a mano with LB.)

Not only only are Ms. Horowitz’s points right on the money, her videos are short. As in between one and a half and three and a half minutes each. Really now, who could ask for more?

Here’s a sample:

See the rest at Marilyn Horowitz’s YouTube channel

Web Series: ‘Geoffrey the Dumbass’

Geoffrey the Dumbass made this TVWriter™ minion laugh. Maybe even more importantly, not only is this web series by HeadGum Productions funny, its episodes are short. Bite-sized, you could say, which makes them perfect for watching while you’re taking a short break from writing the masterpiece that’s going to set your career on fire. (In a good way, I mean. Not, you know, burn it up.)

Thanks, HeadGum, for coming up with the perfect slacker candy!

Stareable, our fave website devoted to web series, gives Geoffrey the Dumbass 3 stars out of 5. I’d give it 4. What do you think?

Geoffrey the Dumbass on Stareable is HERE

HeadGum’s oeuvre is HERE

TVWRITER™ NEWSLETTER – Summer 2017

TVWRITER™ NEWSLETTER – Summer 2017

TVWriter™
http://tvwriter.com
http://tvwriter.net


A WORD FROM LB

As this is being written, it’s the first day of summer. All around the country, heat-related events are the order of the day.

Except here at TVWriter™ Central, at the northern tip of Washington state’s Olympic Peninsula. Where we are, the temp today is 55 degrees fahrenheit, and the time of year is known as “Juneuary” because this month inevitably is cooler than May and we won’t be getting much warmer till July.

The good news for Larry and Gwen is that at least it’s not raining. The better news for TVWriter™ is that we’re in the middle of a server upgrade that should make good ole http://tvwriter.net and its trusty referrer site http://tvwriter.com load twice as quickly as in the past and, probably more importantly, be more efficient and stable.

Oh, and we’ve added what’s called an “SSL Certificate” that means we’re all safe and secure from – well, I’m not sure what we’re protected against, but the people whose pockets now are semi-filled with our folding money say TVWriter™ visitors can breathe even easier than before about clicking and scrolling here at the World’s Foremost TV Writing Website.

On the actual Learning-All-You-Can-About-TV-Writing-Front, we’ve also made some changes to make hanging here more worthwhile. Here’s what’s going on:


PEOPLE’S PILOT 2017

The 26th edition of our PEOPLE’S PILOT Competition opened for entries June 1st and will be open until the very last minute of November 1, 2017.

This year we’ve continued our tradition of updating the PP to match recent changes in the entertainment scene and make the contest not just a “television writing” thing, but one for shows intended for any and all electronic entertainment media.

Whether the series you are creating is intended for broadcast TV, cable and satellite, TV, home entertainment/video game consoles, Big Media interweb outlets like Netflix, Amazon, and Hulu, or indie web channels and venues like YouTube, Vimeo, Funny or Die, or the show’s own website, it’s eligible for the new PEOPLE’S PILOT.

Similarly, we’re open for entries regardless of what length you envision the episodes being or how many episodes you foresee it having.

Genres also are entirely open. Whether you’ve written a drama, comedy, action, dramedy, anthology script for adults, for young adults, for children, or, what the hell, for opossums, the PEOPLE’S PILOT wants to see it. Is your pilot intended for live action? Great. And just as great if you see what you’ve written as being animated, or starring puppets, or little balls of clay, whateves. Are you hoping for your series to last forever? Envisioning it as a mini or limited series? It’s all good to us. We welcome everything you can think of.

Category-wise, we now have two primary categories:

1) Scripted Comedy Series of any length
2) Scripted Action/Drama Series of any length

Plus, and this is new:

Special Bonus Category
3) Special International Production Award to be given to the entry or entries that the judges find especially suitable for the global TV market and production by our new Chinese co-sponsor Global Saga Media Entertainment. AKA a paid option that any suitable entry, regardless of its placing in the two primary categories, can win.

Prize money has improved as well. As in previous running,  TVWriter™ and our longtime Hong Kong based co-sponsor Manner Movie Ltd. are offering over $20,000 in prizes and entry bonuses, with the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place winners in the primary categories taking home $700 US, $200 US, and $100 US respectively, plus free feedback on all entries, a free Storytelling Patterns e-book, and all the usual goodies from TVWriter™, yours truly LB, Script Pipeline, ScreenwriterShowcase, and InkTip.Com.

The PEOPLE’S PILOT website, with more general info (including our entry fees and discounts) is HERE

The full list of Prizes is HERE

The Enter Page is HERE

Email LB personally with any questions HERE

Winners, Finalists, and Semi-Finalists of TVWriter™’s past contests are or have most recently been on the staffs of WESTWORLD, LETHAL WEAPON, NARCOS, MOM, SNEAKY PETE, TIME AFTER TIME, THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES, PRIVATE PRACTICE, CHICAGO PD, CHICAGO FIRE, PERSON OF INTEREST, THE WALKING DEAD, RIZZOLI AND ISLES, COLONY, GREY’S ANATOMY, ONCE UPON A TIME, SMALLVILLE, ROME, THE LEFTOVERS, MELROSE PLACE, THE BASTARD EXECUTIONER, and the upcoming SNOWFALL, to name just a few. We’d love to see you join them!


TVWRITER UNIVERSITY SUMMER SCHEDULE

The next TVWriter™ Online TV and Film Writing Workshop starts July 12th, with the last weekly class wrapping things up August 2nd.

Larry Brody’s next Master Class starts July 6th, with the last weekly meeting skedded (as the old-time H’wood trade magazines used to say) for July 27th. Only one opening left!

LB’s upcoming Hong Kong/Macao TV and Film Writing Seminar is zeroing in on its debut date. Featuring a delightful live, in-person Weekend Writing Room Experience, look for it this winter as your go-to Christmas Writing Retreat.

More TVWriter University deets are HERE


That’s it till next time. Keep those stories spinning!

LB and Team TVWriter™


TVWRITER™ STAFF:
Larry Brody – Head Dood
Gwen Brody – Head Muse
Munchman – Keeper of the Flamethrower, we mean Faith
Peggy Bechko, Kelly Jo Brick, Kathryn Graham, Douglas Snauffer – Contributing Editors
Herbie J Pilato, Cara Winter – Contributing Editor Emeritus
Diana Vaccarelli – Critic-at-Large
Dawn McElligott – Writer-at-Large
Lew Ritter- Contributing Writer
Various Volunteers – Mucho Appreciated Scapegoats

Rejection: A Wilderness Guide for Writers

Mark Evanier, a fan favorite writer of – and about – television, film, comics, theater, news and – yikes! – politics, is one of the brightest lights of the interweb. He’s been writing about the trials, tribulations, and joys faced by writers, actors, and other living creatures for years. This is the most recent of a series on dealing with rejection:


Rejection, Part 20
by Mark Evanier

If you want to have a career as a writer, it is very important that you not look desperate. If you are, do what you can to conceal it…and yes, I know that might not be easy, especially if you’re really, really desperate.

This applies to the wanna-be writer who hasn’t sold much, if anything. It also applies to the once-established writer who’s hit a career lull and hasn’t sold anything in a while. It’s probably more important for the latter. If you’re new in the business, you have more of an excuse for appearing desperate. People who might hire you or buy your work can think, “No one’s given this kid a chance.” If you have some credits then what they’re going to think is: “Gee, people have given this guy a chance and if he’s now this desperate, maybe his work isn’t that good lately.”

Desperate people make others uncomfortable. We try to avoid them for the same reason we sometimes give money to homeless people on the street so they’ll go away. But in The Arts, we don’t usually give jobs to desperate people to lessen their desperation because they may not be able to do those jobs. In fact, we often suspect the reason they’re desperate might be because they just don’t have it in them to do those jobs. And if we give them those jobs and it turns out they can’t do them, that creates bigger problems for us.

And unlike the homeless guy outside the CVS Pharmacy who went away after you gave him a buck, these people tend not to go away. They come back again and again begging for another chance.

So you don’t want to look desperate and one good way to achieve that is to not be desperate, at least financially. We’ve discussed that in previous installments of this column.

The story I’m about to tell you is is not about a writer. It’s about a guy who was doing (or trying to do) cartoon voices but it’s the same situation. Because I was casting voices for a cartoon show I was writing and producing, he came after me seeking work. He came after me at conventions, via e-mail, and then when that didn’t work, he started phoning me.

He was not without talent. He had enough that he’d landed an agent…but there are agents and there are AGENTS. He had an all lower-case agent, one of those who has limited clout or connections to sell anything. There are agents like that who represent writers, too. They’ll take on almost anyone who looks competent enough to maybe someday get a job, then they do almost nothing to make that happen. If the client somehow manages to get a gig through his or her own contacts and campaigning, the agent will step in, close the deal and take their commission.

(What kind of agent do you want? The one who is in touch with the people who do the hiring, be they producers, directors, casting people or whatever. You want the agent who can and will get those people on the horn and say, “Trust me. You’ve got to meet with [YOUR NAME HERE] because this kid has really got something!” And then the hiring person thinks, “Gee, that agent represents some really good people. It probably won’t waste my time to take a meeting with that client!” If it’s an agent of the “anyone who looks competent” criteria…well, that agent probably can’t get that buyer on the phone and if they do, their recommendation means very little.)

In the world of voiceover in Hollywood, there are about fifty-five agencies. About nine of them represent about 90% of all the actors who work a lot. They’re the top agencies that represent the top people. I won’t list these agencies but if you go to voicebank.net, you can browse the demos of most voice actors and find out who their agents are. There, you can easily look up the superstar cartoon voice actors and see which agencies represent a significant number of them. You can also hear the demos….

Read it all at Mark’s blog, NewsFromMe

Writing Memes: For Mature Audiences

But not necessarily for mature audiences only:

Found on the interwebs. If you’re the creator, c’mon forth and tell us how this meme came to be. We’ll shower you with, erm, gratitude. (Hey, this is a site manned by volunteers. Gratitude’s all we got. But it’s really well meant!)